Helping Mommy Feel Better

[gentle music] – The uncertainty of when is what's hard, I think, I don't quite know how to mentally grasp that I could not sleep last night, I was having nightmares all night, I was rolling back and forth all night

I woke up this morning with a very light cramping Watch yesterday's video if you wanna be caught up I just woke up really sad and I don't want to do this again and I can feel that things might be starting and I'm just very blue and very sad I stayed up last night, I grabbed a few books because I'm just so sick, I don't wanna watch TV, I don't wanna do anything, and I'm not really one to read a ton, I really love to listen to books, especially when we're on the road But I did pick up a few books last night and I'm excited to read them but we gotta get the kids to school

[gentle music] I just dropped Jackson off at school and I have a few pregnancy apps on my phone because I was seeing which one I liked the best and I had What To Expect, I had Nurture, I had Baby Center and then The Bump And The Bump was by far my favorite I loved going to it everyday saying how big the baby was, saying how far along I was It had like a 3D version of like what the baby looked like, I just got a notification and email from them So it's just like little things, it's like I have to just step back and like step back into reality and get rid of them and stop notifications on my email and it's just crazy

Thank you Bonnie, you are so good to us – I love you! – Thanks for letting me be a flip-flopper She's like "I'll come over and sit and hang out with you!" I was like "That sounds great!" She was like "I'll bring you lunch" I'm like "No I'm not hungry, not in the mood" Then she got here I was like "I'm hungry! "And Pamela's hungry" [Laughing] So we all got to eat

I keep telling her I called my zit Pamela – You call her Pamela? I thought it was little Jared – [Ellie] So we're hungry, we're gonna eat, thank you – Have you ever broken into something you're not supposed to be in, or maybe have you ever broken into something you're supposed to be in but can't get inside of? That is the predicament I'm in I'm not breaking into something I'm not supposed to be in, I need something out of a safe that I have, it's very important but I can't get in it

I can't find the key and the biometric sensor battery is dead We've got a couple of things that we can try Joel has a very similar one and we're gonna see if his key works If not, we may have to break into this bad boy Yes, I'm talking 'bout you, grrr shake my fist at you! So Joel if this key works I think that says something about the security of these things

– [Joel] Yeah No go – Okay, shoot Alright do you have a bobby pin? And maybe like a flathead screwdriver? – Oh, yeah, let me grab my lock-picking kit – Are lock-picking kits illegal? – [Joel] I'm assuming so – If they are then I definitely don't have one – [Joel] I don't have one

– I definitely don't if they're illegal If they're illegal, I don't know, I can't answer that question because it might be illegal One of Ellie's friends from church is an incredible artist and she did this amazing painting for us and we got it framed and we just got a phone call that it's all done and so I'm here to pick it up And I know this is gonna lift Ellie's spirits, I know Ellie's doing so amazing as it is but I know this will be a really, really great pick-me-up for her too So here it is, actually it's upside down so there it is

It is way bigger than I thought It is way big I thought it'd be able to fit in the van top to bottom but it's actually too tall and we can't fit it in between the seats so I'm gonna have to come back with all of the car seats out and everything so I can fit it in there And maybe even need a truck 'cause it's big guys – [Jared] Hey! (Ellie screams) Did I scare you? – I did not like that – [Jared] Calvin, where are you taking my wife? – I did not like that! – [Jared] Did I scare you good? – You did

– I'm sorry Calvin is driving you on a little date – Yeah, okay let's go I kept telling him let's get on the– – Okay go, get on the sidewalk Oh my gosh, of course

How cute is that? Look at him take you, that's so cute He's pushing it and everything Okay here's the update So try as I might, I could not get the safe open using alternative methods, much to my dismay And, according to the internet, those are pretty easy to get into but I think my model is just a little bit different to where it actually does matter

They may have fixed a bunch of things, you know, that they were trying to prevent in the first place We took the car seats out of the van, I've got my dad here to help me get that painting So, first stop painting, second stop locksmith I have to submit defeat What the heck? These darn kids taking my parking spot left and right

What am I gonna do with these guys? Jeez Alright I've got a bone to pick with you I've got a bone to pick with you Were you driving the four-wheeler last? Or was it Calvin? – Me and Calvin and Mommy – You all did it? You are in my parking spot

You did that on purpose! – Hi! I know you're excited to see me but I'm upset with you! – Why? – He parked in my parking spot! – Did you hear him say "Dad's home!" – [Jared] "Dad's home", can you say "Dad's home"? – [Ellie] He just does it when he wants – [Jared] I know – Pretzels! – [Jared] Pretzels! Hey so I've got a couple of things that you probably want to see – When we moved into the house my neighbor, me and her have become friends, and I didn't realize how beautiful she does these paintings She has this huge paint shop that she does in her home

For a long time I thought that it would be really nice to add a little more color in here and to find something huge right there but if you ever find a huge, huge painting it is crazy amounts of money I just wanted to sit on it and wait until I found something and her work is beautiful, so I had her paint me a huge painting for this wall Coincidence or not, it happened to be done today and it put a smile on my face, so I'm excited to see it come in The boys and I played outside, everyone's bathed and ready for bed – Pretzels! And today has been overwhelmingly good, everyone has been just very sweet and tender to me and I feel like I'm in such a weird spot right now

I'll tell you in a minute, they're coming in Let's see it! It's huge It's 50 x 80 It's huge! That's insane! That's insane! Ah she painted that! It took her I don't know how long, a few weeks – Can I tell you a secret? It's upside down

– [Ellie] It's beautiful – Okay it was ugly before but now that we've flipped it over it's much more beautiful, don't you think? I think the accents are just in all the right places – [Ellie] It's beautiful – It really, really is And so what we're gonna do, Dad, if you wouldn't mind following me, we're just gonna put it, you can just lift it up

– [Ellie] It'll go up on that wall back there It's gonna be beautiful – Isn't that so cool? – [Ellie] Awwww I love her Thanks Chelsea! Well that painting was beautiful but I think what's hard is it's like, okay, I have about two weeks, a week and a half of you're going to miscarry, you just don't know when And I think that's the hard part, is like, I don't wanna go through this, I don't wanna be like crampy and laying in bed and bleeding tons and having to sit on the toilet and achy and crying and emotional and sad like, I don't wanna have to do that, but I do, I have to

I think that's what's hard about today, is like this morning I was pretty crampy but then the rest of the day I've been fine And so, yeah, not much more, I even know how to say or how to express just the unknown, the uncertainty of when is what's hard, I think I don't know how to quite mentally grasp that But I have enjoyed being just with the kids, just doing whatever they want, you know? – I wanna play the popper! – Yeah, that's what we've done, we've gone from one toy to another today – [Ellie] Okay, ready? I'm going to put 'em right here And can you put 'em right here on the popper? Like, I'll lock 'em and you can put 'em right there – See! – [Ellie] Okay, perfect

You lock 'em Put 'em right there This is scary it's gonna pop soon! Put it on there Wow! It popped! – It popped! – It did Okay ready, set, go! Make sure they're locked

[jingly music] [Cheering] That one popped! Okay, that's not quite how it works but they think it's fun Okay, you know what? I think that this would be fun for the boys and I think it'd be fun for me to see Hey, Calvin, look at Mama Do you guys want to pick some of mommy's flowers? – Yeah! – Okay, when I got the books yesterday, they had the cutest store in town called Freckle Farm where I've got a lot of my plants, and they had this and I thought that was so beautiful So I'm gonna let them pick some of my flowers after they're done making out with this

Okay let's go! [gentle music] – Those are so cute They won't live long but it's something fun and I think that this little bowl is so cute Especially if I were to buy fresh flowers at the store, it would be perfect 'cause they would be in there more But so sweet! Love them! Love you! [gentle music] Given the circumstances, today has actually been a pretty great day We've been together as a family and just spending time together has been very, very nice

And I just wanna say I'm proud of Ellie She didn't have to do anything today No one expected her to do anything She could have laid in bed all day and that would have been perfectly fine and normal But she didn't do that

She got up, she got ready for the day, she did things with us, she did things with the kids, she smiled We definitely had our moments where we were sad too, but, like I said, all in all, it's been a good day with family and I'm just, I'm proud of Ellie for everything I love you, Ellie You mean the world to me And I'm so grateful that I have you in my life

And not only that, I just feel so overcome with gratitude for you guys You guys have been so wonderful All of the support that you have been sending us has just been overwhelming It's been so wonderful, so thank you, guys That is where we're gonna end the vlog today

We appreciate you and we're grateful for you I love my family, and we will see you guys tomorrow Bye