– Well, I feel like a bag of crushed dicks (sigh) What better time to make a video? So, I'm sick this week
I don't feel very good I'm all stuffed up, my throat hurts, and on top of that, I'm pooping purple Which has nothing to do with being sick, I just drank a lot of Kool-Aid earlier It's freaking delicious Anyways, this happens to me every year when the seasons change
My body just can't handle the switch from hot to cold So, I went on Wikihow to see how to get better, and they list seven steps of how to get better except they use a lot of words and ain't nobody got time for reading Especially when you look and feel like a bag of smashed (bleep)holes So I thought I'd save you guys a lot of time of having to read by just showing you how to get better So, here are seven steps to feeling better when you're sick
Enjoy Step one: Keep yourself warm When you're sick, you get colder than normal, so wear a sweatshirt or comfy pajamas If you're really cold, throw a blanket on, too And if you're really, really cold, just throw everything on
Nobody's gonna judge you You're sick Step two: Eat and drink hot foods It's really important to consume hot food and drinks when you're sick Keeping your energy up is important and staying hydrated will flush out your system and make you feel better
If you can't do hot drinks, just take a lot of Vitamin C and stick with cold water All that should work Step three: Be lazy Avoiding doing anything that requires a lot of energy Stay at home and don't even bother trying to go outside
Watch some movies or TV shows, spend some time on YouTube, Twitter, or Facebook Just stay in bed or on the couch while doing this Just make sure whatever you're doing isn't stressful, 'cause that could just make you sicker What?! How is that only two stars?! God — Oh, I don't feel so good (retching) Step number four: Take naps
Although you make be having trouble sleeping, being sick uses up a lot of your body's energy, so you're gonna want to at least try to get as much sleep as possible Extended naps are a good idea, as is going to bed early If you can't sleep, just drink some warm milk That always works (sighs happily) (gasps) I forgot I'm lactose intolerant! (farts) Step five: Use a heating pad
Are you suffering from any stomach pains or feeling nauseous? Putting a heating pad on your stomach while you rest helps to ease the pain and keeps you warm Just don't use it if you already have a fever It could push your temperature so high, you could get delirious Oh, Angelina, you've come to make me feel better! ("Oh Yeah" by Yello) Well, I'm not one to keep a lady waiting Let's do this! (couch squeaking) Step number six: Cuddle with your pet
It can help with the recovery process and it gives you some company as well as helps to keep you warm Or if you're like me and you don't have a pet, just grab the next-closest thing (laughs) You don't judge me! And finally, step seven: Take a shower It's refreshing, it helps to keep you warm, and it gets all the bacteria off of you In addition, if you're stuffed up, it can help clear out your nose
And if you have the energy, you might wanna take your clothes off first, because that's usually a good idea Anyways, I'm gonna go try to work off this cold, guys I'm really not feeling so well But if you want to add me to Facebook and Twitter, the links will be in the description along with all my other social networking sites, and I will see you guys next Saturday with a brand new video Peace! I'm gonna die
(triumphant music) Hey guys, thanks for watching my new video If you enjoyed it, please remember to click the Subscribe button to subscribe to my channel I release a new video every single Saturday And while you're at it, click the Like button and share this on Facebook And if you've already done those things, take some echinacea and some Vitamin C, 'cause getting sick sucks
So I'm gonna go lay down now and I hope you're feeling good, 'cause I'm not (scoffs) Bye!